Hottest Soap Hunk

Here at my annual Comics Competition, I have been rather unfair to the distaff side and not featured hot guys as a distinct category before. In fairness, the comics pages don't give me much help here. Most comic dudes tend to be Dopey Dads or Alarming Alcoholics. Let's remedy that by featuring some the ruggedly handsome men you can check out over the breakfast table every morning.Randy ParkerJudge ParkerWhile not THE Judge Parker, this newly minted magistrate is known for his lantern jaw and his many adventures with the fairer sex but he never seems to quite close the deal. He knows how to work it like a claw which would be smuttier if there were any hope of him getting to second base. While he often takes the backseat to longtime partner Sam Driver, this barrister is a versatile player.Sam DriverJudge ParkerThis strip is blessed with not one, but two handsome brunettes. So handsome that they are almost indistinguishable. Sam is the more adventurous one whose primary activity is avoiding sex with his incredibly hot wife so he can solve mysteries with other preternaturally attractive women and not have sex with them either.Rex Morgan, MDWhen it comes to not having sex with his wife, nobody tops Rex Morgan who stretches the bounds of ambiguously closetedness even by comic soap standards. His true proclivities are less of a subtextual theme than a running joke that everybody except June seems to be in on. I've never quite figured out what Rex actually DOES other than pose provocatively and come-on to cabin boys. Not that there's anything wrong with that.Mark TrailSoap strips tend to eponymous, but not more so than Mark Trail, forest ranger, nature writer, and backwoods vigilante. No hirsute evil doer is safe from his Right Fist of Justice®. He also manages to tease two women with his arboreal cluelessness; his long suffering wife Cherry and indefatigable outdoorsy fag-hag Kelly Welly. While no side of this triangle has ever been consummated, there is still hope for a Cherry-Kelly hot-springs party someday.The PhantomThe Ghost Who Walks In Purple Spandex wins the token superhero slot mostly because he doesn't shoot white fluids out of his body as a superpower. Just what is his superpower anyways? Other than an uncanny ability to be a fashion disaster in any age, he mostly just shoots and punches his enemies and drugs his friends/victims. His fondness for cheek-clenching fabrics makes him the most fan-servicey of the nominees. Since he frequently cavorts lasciviously with PhantomSpouse Diane, he is the most arguably heterosexual hunk in this field despite his fondness for young boys in diapers.This category is tough call. All the guys are hot, but they each seem to come with some baggage. While their true proclivities stay family-friendly perhaps they can inspire some truly lurid slash fiction. Let the best man win.You must enable JavaScript to vote in this poll from Pollverize.